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My husband and I have a unique way of navigating our marriage—one that often leaves people scratching their heads and wondering if we even like each other. It’s not uncommon for me to quip, “We aren’t friends anymore,” when he irritates me, or for us to exchange playful jabs that, to the outside world, might seem like genuine animosity. But here’s the truth: our seemingly sarcastic relationship is actually a testament to our deep love and resilience.

From the outside looking in, it might appear that we’re constantly on the brink of a quarrel. You might catch a glimpse of our banter in public and walk away thinking, “Those two really don’t like each other.” However, beneath the surface of our dark humor lies a strong, unbreakable bond forged through shared experiences, failed past relationships, and unresolved traumas.

Humor, particularly the darker, more sarcastic kind, has become our shield and sword in navigating the complexities of marriage. It’s our way of dealing with the little irritations and bigger issues that life throws at us. Instead of letting small annoyances build up and explode, we diffuse them with a well-timed joke or a sarcastic remark.

When I say, “We aren’t friends anymore,” I’m not declaring the end of our relationship. Instead, I’m signaling that I’m irritated, but it’s something we’ll get past. It’s a way of acknowledging the annoyance without letting it fester. It’s our peculiar way of saying, “I love you, but right now, you’re driving me crazy.” His quick response is often, “You’re killing me, Smalls,” a line borrowed from a beloved movie, which always brings a smile to my face and diffuses the tension.

Both my husband and I have experienced our share of heartache and trauma. Failed relationships have left scars that we carry into our marriage. These past experiences have shaped how we interact with each other and the world. Instead of allowing our pain to drive us apart, we’ve chosen to use humor as a coping mechanism. It’s a tool that helps us process our emotions and stay connected even when the going gets tough.

Humor allows us to address the elephant in the room without causing a scene. It’s not that we don’t take our issues seriously—on the contrary, it’s because we do that we’ve learned to laugh at the absurdities of life together. Dark humor has become our way of saying, “I understand your pain because I’ve felt it too.”

Marriage is a journey filled with highs and lows, and sometimes it’s easy to get stuck in the lows. Our sarcastic banter helps us keep things moving. It prevents us from dwelling too long on the negative and encourages us to look for the silver lining, no matter how faint it may seem.

Sure, there are days when we might not like each other very much. That’s the reality of any close relationship. But our humor serves as a reminder that even on those days, we’re in this together. It’s a promise that we’ll weather the storm and come out stronger on the other side.

If you’re reading this and wondering how this could possibly work, let me assure you—it’s not for everyone. But it works for us. It’s our way of maintaining a healthy balance and keeping our love alive. Every couple has to find their own way of dealing with life’s challenges. For some, it’s open and honest communication. For others, it’s shared hobbies or regular date nights. For us, it’s sarcasm and dark humor.

So, if you ever see us in public, trading barbs and laughing at each other’s expense, know that it’s our love language. It’s how we say, “I love you,” and “I’m here for you,” without actually saying the words. It’s how we keep moving forward, together.

Marriage isn’t always easy, and it’s certainly not always pretty. But with a little humor, a lot of patience, and an unwavering commitment to each other, we’ve found our way to make it work. And who knows, maybe our story will inspire you to find your own unique way to keep your love alive.