staceybooks

Finding yourself sounds like such a lofty goal, something we often hear in self-help books or during pivotal moments in movies. But what does it really mean? For most of us, the process of discovering who we truly are isn’t about a dramatic epiphany; it’s about a slow, sometimes messy, unraveling. It’s about sorting through the layers of expectations, roles, and experiences that have built up over the years to find the person at the core of it all.

For me, finding myself has been a journey marked by both loss and transformation. It hasn’t always been a straight path. Life threw me more than a few curveballs—moments where I wasn’t sure I would ever recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. I lost my brother, my parents, and a marriage. I went through personal struggles and made choices that landed me in prison. There were times when I didn’t feel like I deserved the opportunity to “find myself” because I felt like I’d lost everything that could possibly define me.

But I’ve learned that the process of finding yourself doesn’t always come from the happy or easy moments. Sometimes, it’s the pain, the struggle, and the moments of rock bottom that peel back the layers of who we’ve pretended to be and reveal the person underneath. It’s in those moments of grief and brokenness where we discover our strength and resilience.

The Layers We Wear

Throughout life, we take on so many different roles—daughter, mother, partner, friend, professional. It’s easy to get lost in them, to define ourselves by who we are to others rather than by who we are to ourselves. After everything I’ve been through, I realized that I had spent years being who I thought I needed to be for everyone else. I wasn’t living for myself. I was living to meet others’ expectations or to prove that I could bounce back from my mistakes.

Finding yourself means stripping away those roles, bit by bit. It’s about taking the time to reflect on who you are without the masks. Who are you when you’re alone, with nothing to prove? What makes you feel alive? What gives you purpose? These are questions I’ve had to ask myself, and while the answers didn’t come immediately, the process of searching has been eye-opening.

Embracing Imperfection

One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in finding myself is learning to embrace imperfection. For so long, I held myself to a standard of perfection—trying to make up for the mistakes of the past, trying to prove that I was “good enough” despite everything I had been through. But I’ve come to realize that finding yourself isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about accepting that you never will be.

The person you find at your core isn’t flawless. They’ve been shaped by life’s highs and lows, by successes and failures. And that’s okay. True growth comes when you learn to accept those imperfections and understand that they’re part of what makes you uniquely you.

Moving Forward

Finding yourself is not a destination. It’s a continual process of discovery, one that evolves as we do. There will be moments when we feel lost again, but that doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It just means we’re human. And every time we get lost, we have an opportunity to rediscover something new about ourselves.

For me, that process is ongoing. I’m still learning who I am, still working to embrace all the parts of me—both the good and the bad. And as I approach the next chapter of my life, I find comfort in knowing that I don’t have to have it all figured out. Finding yourself is less about having all the answers and more about being willing to ask the questions.

So, if you’re on this journey, too, remember to be kind to yourself. Take it one step at a time, knowing that it’s okay to feel lost. It’s in those moments of uncertainty that you’ll often find the most clarity. Keep peeling back the layers. Keep asking the questions. And most importantly, keep moving forward.

Finding yourself is about progress, not perfection.

About Me

I’m Stacey Books, a wife, mother, Hassy (grandmother), and nonprofit regional director with a passion for helping others find second chances. My life has been filled with loss, struggle, and redemption, and I use my experiences to guide me in my work and personal growth. After overcoming challenges from incarceration to personal tragedy, I’ve dedicated myself to teaching, leading, and empowering others to rebuild their lives. Through my journey of faith and self-discovery, I’m learning that it’s okay to be imperfect—and that every step forward matters.