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I’ve made mistakes—plenty of them. Some were minor, and others were life-altering. Yet, through every misstep, I learned one thing that rings true time and time again: no one can be as hard on me as I am on myself. We all make mistakes, but the real challenge comes not from others judging us, but from the harsh voice inside our own heads that refuses to let go.

There was a time in my life when I felt defined by my failures. I tried so hard to make up for the hurt I caused my loved ones. I carried guilt like a heavy cloak, constantly reminding myself of what I had done wrong. It didn’t matter if others had forgiven me, or if they had long moved on—I couldn’t let myself off the hook.

Mistakes can do that to us. They take root in our minds, playing on a loop, making it difficult to move forward. We replay conversations, moments, and decisions, trying to figure out how we could have done things differently. We judge ourselves more harshly than we would ever judge another person.

For me, it took years to realize that I didn’t need others to remind me of my shortcomings—I was doing that just fine on my own. I remember standing in front of a mirror, staring at the person I had become. The overwhelming feeling of not being enough settled in like a familiar weight. I wasn’t the mother I wanted to be. I wasn’t the partner I needed to be. And, at times, I felt like I wasn’t even a person worthy of love or forgiveness.

But here’s the truth: we don’t have to carry that burden forever. Mistakes are part of being human, and they are necessary for growth. They don’t define us, but how we rise after them does.

I’ve been incarcerated, and that experience felt like the ultimate mark of failure in my life. Losing my freedom, my family, and my sense of self—it all seemed like proof that I wasn’t good enough. But the thing is, mistakes, no matter how big, are not the end of our story. It took time, but I slowly began to rebuild my life. I learned that I couldn’t change the past, but I could control how I responded to it. I started working on forgiving myself, and that became the turning point.

During the darkest periods of my life, when everything seemed too overwhelming, I believed that if I were no longer here, it would solve all the problems. I thought maybe my absence would take away the burden I felt I was placing on those I loved. I thought that if I wasn’t here to make mistakes, the people I cared about would be better off.

What I didn’t realize—or couldn’t realize because of the mental state I was in—was that this thinking wasn’t just flawed, it was deeply destructive. Being trapped in that mindset makes it impossible to see the truth: it doesn’t solve anything. In fact, it leaves behind an even heavier burden for those we love.

When we’re caught in those dark thoughts, we’re blinded by pain, and we can’t see how much we mean to the people in our lives. I didn’t see it at the time, but choosing not to be here would have devastated the people I love most. My daughter, my family, my friends—they would have had to carry a grief that could never be erased. And that’s the thing about being in that mental state—it lies to us, making us think that our presence is the problem when, in reality, it’s part of the solution.

People around us may remind us of our failures, and it can hurt. But often, the loudest critic is within. I’ve realized that nobody else’s opinion matters more than the one I have of myself. Others may never understand the depth of our journey, but we do. We know the effort it takes to get up after every fall, the strength it requires to move forward, and the courage it takes to face another day.

I share this not because I’ve mastered self-forgiveness, but because I’m still learning. And maybe you’re on that same journey. You’ve made mistakes, but you’re not your mistakes. We can all be our own worst critics, but we can also learn to be our greatest supporters. It starts with embracing the fact that we all mess up. And that’s okay.

It’s easy to judge ourselves, to think about all the things we should’ve done differently. But we’re all walking this imperfect journey called life, doing the best we can with the knowledge and tools we have at the time. I remind myself daily that I’m not here to be perfect; I’m here to grow. And growth comes with mistakes.

So, to anyone out there who feels weighed down by their past, know that you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. You don’t need anyone to remind you of your failures, because you’re already working on forgiving yourself. And that’s where the real healing begins.

Mistakes are inevitable, but they aren’t final. They are stepping stones to something better. Let’s remind ourselves that we’re worthy of grace—especially our own. We’re all on this journey together, learning, growing, and doing our best. And that’s enough. You are enough.

— Stacey Books