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In the world of personal growth and community programs, there’s an underlying assumption that change is easy—that if we sign up for a program, attend a few workshops, or show up when it’s convenient, our lives will transform. It’s a tempting narrative. I’ve seen it time and time again in my work with nonprofits and justice-impacted individuals. People enter a program, expect the world to shift around them, and when it doesn’t, they point fingers and complain about what isn’t being done for them. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not the program that fails them—it’s their own unwillingness to do the work.

The Truth About Personal Responsibility

At its core, every program is designed to provide tools, guidance, and a framework for success. But no program, no matter how well-crafted or well-funded, can replace personal responsibility. The uncomfortable truth is this: real change requires real work. It demands that we not only show up but also do the hard, often unglamorous, work of self-reflection, discipline, and consistent effort.

Yet, there are those who expect to be handed success on a silver platter. They believe that signing up for a program entitles them to results, without putting in the necessary time, energy, or effort. And when things don’t go as they imagined, they are quick to blame the program, the leaders, or even the people around them. But in reality, they’re projecting their own lack of commitment onto others.

When Selfishness Gets in the Way

There’s also a deeper issue that often accompanies these false expectations: selfishness. It manifests in subtle ways. Maybe it’s the person who refuses to collaborate or the one who always seems to find fault in others but never looks inward. Maybe it’s the participant who expects individualized attention without considering the needs of the group.

This kind of selfishness is a roadblock—not just for the individual, but for the entire community. Programs work best when everyone is actively engaged, contributing, and holding themselves accountable. When one person consistently expects others to carry their weight, it creates an imbalance. The program starts to feel like a burden for those who are doing the work while becoming a convenient scapegoat for those who aren’t.

The Blame Game

When things don’t go as expected, it’s human nature to look for someone or something to blame. I’ve seen individuals drop out of programs, not because the program wasn’t working, but because it didn’t cater to their unrealistic expectations. They wanted quick fixes and easy answers, and when they didn’t get them, they turned to the blame game.

The narrative often goes something like this: “The program didn’t do enough for me,” or “The leadership didn’t give me what I needed.” Rarely do these individuals stop to ask, “Did I really give it my all? Did I engage fully? Did I take responsibility for my own growth?”

The truth is, no program can save you from yourself. Personal growth isn’t something that happens to you—it’s something you have to pursue actively. If you’re unwilling to put in the effort, no amount of programming, mentorship, or resources will make a difference.

Shifting the Mindset

So how do we shift from this place of false expectations and selfishness to a mindset that actually fosters growth?

1. Take Ownership: Acknowledge that your success is in your hands. The program is there to support you, but it’s not a magic wand. You have to put in the work, make sacrifices, and take responsibility for your own journey.

2. Stop Expecting Perfection: No program is perfect, and no one is going to cater to your every need. Instead of focusing on what isn’t being done for you, focus on what you can do for yourself and the group.

3. Embrace the Struggle: Growth is hard. It’s uncomfortable, and it’s often slow. But if you stick with it—if you push through the moments of frustration and self-doubt—you’ll come out stronger on the other side. Stop expecting quick fixes and start embracing the process.

4. Reflect Before Blaming: Before you point fingers at a program, leader, or fellow participant, ask yourself: “Have I really given my best? Have I put in the effort, or am I expecting others to carry my weight?” Be honest with yourself.

5. Contribute to the Community: Programs thrive when everyone contributes. Don’t just take—give back. Share your experiences, offer support, and be a part of the collective growth. Selfishness will only hold you back, but when you lift others, you often lift yourself.

In Conclusion

Programs can only take you so far. At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own journey. Stop expecting the world to hand you success and start working for it. When you let go of false expectations and stop complaining about what others aren’t doing for you, you’ll find that real change comes from within.

It’s not the program that will change your life—it’s you.