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For years, I mastered the art of avoiding accountability. It was always someone else’s fault — my circumstances, the people around me, the situations that seemed out of my control. I had countless reasons to deflect blame, and while they all felt justified, they did little to move me forward, personally or professionally. It wasn’t until I looked inward and recognized the destructive pattern I had developed that real change began.

Accountability can be a tough pill to swallow. No one likes to feel at fault or admit when they’ve contributed to their own struggles. For me, it was easier to point fingers, to explain away my actions by blaming the circumstances of my life. I had been through a lot — loss, betrayal, and hardship that left deep scars. And I let those experiences fuel my excuses. “Of course, I’m acting this way,” I’d tell myself. “Look at what I’ve been through.” But the truth is, no amount of hardship justifies shifting the blame to others.

In my professional life, the same pattern emerged. When projects fell short, I found someone to blame — a co-worker, a lack of resources, or an unforgiving deadline. And while there are always external factors we can point to, it wasn’t until I took a step back and reflected on my role that I saw a deeper truth. I wasn’t taking ownership of my own shortcomings. I wasn’t growing, I was stuck.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is reflected in my favorite song, “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson. It speaks directly to this journey. The idea of looking at the person in the mirror to make a change is powerful. That reflection is the only person I can truly control. For years, I avoided that mirror because I didn’t like what I saw. But facing it is the only way to make real, lasting changes in life.

The turning point for me came through a series of events that forced me to confront the reality of my own behavior. Running a nonprofit, leading a team, and trying to make a difference requires a level of self-awareness I hadn’t yet developed. I was leading from a place of deflection rather than accountability. The people around me deserved better, and more importantly, I deserved better. My team was struggling under the weight of my inability to take full ownership of my role in our collective challenges.

Accepting accountability, both personally and professionally, is not about beating yourself up or accepting all the blame. It’s about understanding your part in what’s happening, learning from it, and making the conscious choice to do better. It’s about saying, “I contributed to this outcome, and here’s how I can change it moving forward.”

For me, this realization didn’t happen overnight. It took years of reflection and a lot of uncomfortable conversations with myself. I had to learn how to acknowledge my part in both my successes and my failures. Once I stopped looking outward and started looking inward, the world didn’t collapse around me as I had feared. Instead, it opened up. I became a better leader, a better partner, and a better version of myself.

The hardest part of accepting accountability is giving up the need to control how others perceive your journey. It’s tempting to continue deflecting blame because it keeps others’ judgments at bay. But real growth happens when you stop worrying about others and focus on your own path. For me, this meant letting go of the narrative I had built around my past and starting fresh, without excuses.

Taking accountability is empowering. It puts you in control of your future and allows you to be honest with yourself about where you’ve been and where you want to go. I’m still a work in progress, but now, when something doesn’t go as planned, I don’t rush to find someone else to blame. Instead, I ask myself, “What could I have done differently? How can I learn from this?”

Professionally, this shift has changed the way I approach my work. I no longer shy away from difficult conversations or pass the buck when things get tough. I’ve learned that true leadership comes from owning both the successes and the failures of a team. When I stopped blaming others, I became a leader who could inspire trust and accountability in those around me.

Personally, accepting accountability has allowed me to rebuild relationships I thought were damaged beyond repair. It has helped me navigate my own emotions and handle life’s challenges with a clearer head. I still stumble, but I now see those moments as opportunities for growth, not as reasons to blame the world around me.

The journey of accepting accountability is ongoing. It’s not something you achieve once and then forget about. It’s a daily practice of being honest with yourself, learning from your mistakes, and letting go of the urge to point fingers. And while it’s not always easy, it’s one of the most freeing choices I’ve ever made.

Taking ownership of my actions, my choices, and my life has made all the difference. It’s not about blaming myself or others. It’s about owning my story and choosing to write a better chapter each day.