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Let’s talk about feedback…the awkward cousin of praise and the not-so-fun sibling of growth.

We all say we want it. We ask for it.

But the truth?

Most of us only want the feedback that feels like a warm hug and smells like a scented candle. The moment it feels like a slap or smells like judgment, we’re out.

But here’s the real kicker: Feedback isn’t the problem. It’s how we receive it.

Who’s Really Responsible?

You might think the person giving the feedback is responsible for how it’s received. After all, delivery matters, right?

True, but only partly.

If someone’s feedback is rude, personal, or laced with ego? That’s their reflection, not yours.

But if feedback is fair, direct, or constructive…and it still leaves you spiraling, angry, or defeated? That reaction is on you.

Ouch. I know. That one stings.

But stay with me.

Feedback Is Information, Not Insult

Whether it’s glowing praise or hard truth, feedback is just information. It’s not a personal attack.

It’s not an official verdict on your worth as a human.

It’s a snapshot of how someone else perceives your work, your impact, your presence, or your blind spots.

You get to decide what to do with that information.

Filter it.

Learn from it.

Trash it if it doesn’t align.

But stop bleeding from every paper cut of someone’s opinion.

What I’m Learning Right Now

I’ve been reading Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen…and wow, it’s been eye-opening. The book dives into what it really means to receive feedback well, even when it’s unfair, off-base, or comes at the worst possible time. You know, those moments when someone’s critique feels more like a punch than a pointer? This book teaches you how to process it without losing your mind, or your confidence.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve taken so far is this: your brain will instinctively react to protect your identity, especially when you feel misunderstood. But growth means pushing past the instinct to defend and choosing to understand.

And I’m not doing this alone.

I’ve been maximizing my time with a mentor, someone who helps me process the hard stuff, reflect without spiraling, and build the emotional muscles needed to face uncomfortable truths. Together, we’re focusing on how to build resilience, stay humble, and shift from being defensive to being curious.

So…How Do You Get Better at Taking Feedback?

Pause Before You React Let it land. Let the emotions simmer down before responding or making assumptions. Ask: What Part of This Stings and Why? Is it the truth that hurts, or is it how you see yourself that’s being challenged? Assume Intent (Until Proven Otherwise) Most people aren’t out to ruin your day, they just want to help you grow. Say Thank You. Even When It’s Hard. Gratitude doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re mature enough to listen. Use It. Or Don’t. But Own That Choice. You’re not obligated to act on every piece of feedback. But if you ignore it, know why.

Final Thought:

You’re not responsible for how someone gives feedback. But you are 100% responsible for how you receive it.

Growth comes from having the humility to listen, the wisdom to discern, and the confidence to keep going.

And remember: If all you ever want is the positive, you’ll never become the version of yourself that’s truly powerful.

Because the real magic?

It lives in the tension between who you are, and who you’re brave enough to become.