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I went to bed with my back giving out.

So naturally, my brain decided to build an entire dream around it.

I woke up from a dream where my back just kept giving out. Not once. Not for dramatic effect. Over and over.

In the dream, Persevere was building a new men’s transition home in California. We were on a tour. People were listening. I was explaining things like a normal, functioning adult. And then out of nowhere I would hit the floor.

Sometimes I spun in a circle.

Sometimes I crawled to where I was going.

No warning. No explanation. No concern for dignity.

It was incredibly dramatic. Almost funny.

Almost.

Here’s the not funny part. My back is actually wrecked. I woke up in real pain. The kind of pain that makes rolling over a strategic decision. The kind that reminds you that you are not, in fact, indestructible.

It’s wild how the brain works. Or maybe it’s not wild at all. When your body is exhausted, your subconscious doesn’t send a gentle memo. It produces a full stage performance. Lighting. Sound effects. Physical comedy.

My brain said, let’s reenact this in high definition.

And the part that really gets me is not the falling.

It’s that even in the dream, I kept going.

I did not stop the tour.

I did not excuse myself.

I did not say, hey maybe someone else should take this part.

I just adapted. Crawled. Spun. Continued explaining things from the floor like this was totally normal behavior.

Which honestly feels a little too on brand.

There is something about leadership that convinces you pushing through is a personality trait. You keep moving no matter what. Even when your body is clearly waving a white flag. Even when rest would be the smarter option.

It is now 2:00 a.m. I have been awake for two hours. I have another long day at ACA ahead of me. And all I can think is how badly I hope my back heals while I sleep.

In my dreams.

And in real life.

Because strength is not crawling through every responsibility forever. Strength is sometimes laying down before your body decides to drop you to the floor in front of an imaginary audience.

So I am going back to sleep now.

No tours.

No spinning.

No crawling.

Just rest.

Or at least a less dramatic dream. 😄